I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
