I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
