btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
