you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
