listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
