u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't turn off my feet"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
