so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
