My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
