There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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