I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
