The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
