I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
