Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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