don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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