I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
