I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My first STD was from a foam party
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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