"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
