hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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