She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
