I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
