so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
