you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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