Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
