Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
