how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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