My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's the barista slut.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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