So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
