You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
