Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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