We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
two words: eviction party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
