The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm like, not good at living.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Your penis caused this!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
