Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
