He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
