The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
