my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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