i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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