She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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