I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
