Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This baby is an asshole
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
