I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
