i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
