Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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