In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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