Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
