i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
