If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
