If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
God, I missed his penis.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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