I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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