I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
