one two three fourrrrnication!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
